From Pain to Power

At Women's Health Matters, we believe in the power of lived experience to inspire change. In this blog, one of our incredible workers shares her personal journey through the care system, an abusive relationship, and the heartbreak of losing her children, and how, against all odds, she rebuilt her life.

Her story is one of resilience, hope, and transformation. We are deeply grateful to her for bravely choosing to share it here.

From Pain to Power: My Story

I never imagined I’d be where I am today. If someone had told me years ago that I’d be living a life of stability, purpose, and success, I probably would have laughed. My story isn’t straightforward, but it’s genuine. It’s about trauma, survival, and ultimately, transformation.

I grew up in the care system from the age of 2. Being in care shaped me. It challenged me, hurt me, and made me strong in ways I am only just beginning to understand. I developed resilience, independence, and a fierce survival instinct, while also carrying scars that made me question my worth, my identity, and my ability to be loved.

In my early adulthood, I found myself in a relationship that seemed to offer safety. But slowly, control crept in. What began as love turned into manipulation, threats, and violence. I felt trapped, isolated, unsure how I had ended up in yet another broken place.

For years, I walked on eggshells. I was constantly watching his mood, scared of going home or upsetting him, and adjusting myself to keep him and the situation calm. I worried I’d say the wrong thing and kept second-guessing myself. No matter how careful I was, it never felt like enough. The insults, threats, and bruises became part of my daily life. I kept it hidden from people. I lied to friends. I made excuses. I thought if I loved him more or tried harder, things would get better.

But abuse doesn’t stop because you try harder. It stops when they are removed or when you escape. In my case, he went to prison.

Due to domestic abuse and my inability to leave, my children were removed from my care. No pain compares to the day my children were removed from me. That moment shattered me. It was the darkest day of my life. I can still hear the silence after they left, an emptiness that echoed through the walls and through my heart. I felt like a failure. I had let them down. I had no idea how to go on.

But I did go on. Somehow, through the pain, the shame, and the hopelessness, I kept going.  I want to tell you my story not because it’s perfect, but because it’s proof that people can change, and families can be made whole again.

Looking back, there are things that I wish professionals supporting me at that time had done differently. I wish they had a deeper understanding of domestic abuse and the profound ways it affects women. I wish there had been less victim-blaming and more focus on listening and supporting me without judgment. I also wish they had explained the terminology they used in reports about me, and had been more mindful of the words they chose, words that have had a lifelong impact on how I see myself, both as an individual and as a parent.

With every ounce of strength I had left, I started fighting, not in anger but in hope. My social worker referred me to Women’s Health Matters, and I soon began attending Breathing Space, then later Snowdrops, and finally Breathe Free. I attended every session. I worked through my trauma, faced my past and began to rebuild my life. Along the way, I was also supported to access therapy.

Women’s Health Matters felt like a safe space.  A place where I could talk freely about my experiences and my emotions without fear of judgment. It wasn’t easy. Healing rarely is. I surrounded myself with people who believed in me - support workers, other women with similar experiences, and friends who saw the real me beneath the pain. Women’s Health Matters taught me that the abuse I had experienced was not my fault, that while my experiences would always be a part of me, they did not define me; I could and would grow from them.

Today, I can say with pride: I made it.

I now work for Women’s Health Matters as a Domestic Abuse project worker, facilitating groups like the ones that once supported me. I’m on the other side now, offering the support I once needed so desperately. I listen without judgment and remind women of their strength, especially in the moments they can’t see it for themselves.  Every time I walk into a group, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come, and of the hope that change is possible for every woman in the room. It feels like coming full circle, passing on the compassion and strength that once helped me survive.

It’s not always easy. Some experiences shared in group echo my own, and I feel the weight of that. But I meet these women now as someone who has survived, and every person I support reminds me why I do this work. They show me that survival is possible, that change is real, and that no one should ever have to face abuse alone.

I now have a career I love and have rebuilt relationships I thought were lost. I’ve proven that the past does not define who you are or where you are going. Most importantly, I’ve begun to heal, not fully, because healing is a journey, but enough to stand tall, speak my truth, and help others do the same.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the thick of it, whether you’re in care, stuck in an abusive relationship, or grieving the loss of your child, I want you to know this – you are not broken. You are not alone.

You are worthy of love, of peace, and of a fresh start. Your past may shape you, but it does not define you. If I can rise from the ashes of trauma and reclaim my life, so can you. Keep going, you are stronger than you know.

Turning Experience into Change

Stories like this remind us why it is so important to listen to survivors and create a space where their voices are heard. By sharing her truth, she not only shows that healing and change are possible but also helps others feel less alone in their own journeys. We are proud to stand alongside her and all the women who continue to turn pain into power.

Take Action: Survivors' Voices Training

If this story has resonated with you, and you work with or support women affected by trauma, you may be interested in our Survivors' Voices Training. Co-produced and co-delivered with victim-survivors of domestic abuse, the training provides powerful insights into the realities of surviving abuse and equips professionals with the tools to offer more compassionate, practical support. Click the button below to find out more or to book onto our next course.

Survivors' Voices: Domestic Abuse Awareness Training